I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,          

I sleep all night and I work all day.                                                             

I clean my flasks, I read my JACS,                                    

I do reactions well.                   

Someday I'll be unlucky               

And blow my self to Hell.               

I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,          

I prowl the library all day.            

The articles that I could use          

Are gone when they're in need.          

If I were a bookbinder,                

I'd have them all to read!             

I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,         

I sleep all night and I sleep all day.

I like my work, I like my profs,        

I go to seminars.                       

When I do any research               

I just wind up with tars.            

I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,          

I work all night and I work all day.    

I rotovap, distill it off,              

Do chromatography.                       

I think that by tomorrow               

I'll have some THC.                    

I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,          

I work all night and I sleep all day.  

I do my work, I teach a class,          

I earn another buck.                    

There's one girl in my section         

I'd surely like to fail.              

I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,         

I sleep all night and I work all day.  

I used up all the ethanol,              

I don't know where it went.             

Now I can't work for six weeks,         

The stockroom's closed for Lent.        

I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,          

I work all night and I sleep all day.   

I make bad smells, I produce tar,       

I spend the bosses grant.              

I tell him I'll make progress           

And work so hard I'll pant.              

I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,          

I sleep all night and I sleep all day.  

I work with nasty chemicals,            

They really make a stink.             

I use the waste containers              

And never use the sink.              

I'm in chemistry and I'm okay,          

I phone all night and I phone all day.  

I buy up stocks, invest in bonds,       

And sell commodities.                   

And when the Market's slumping,       

I live in poverty!